My hungry vagina

I am fascinated with the archetype of the temptress, she has been alive in my psyche from a young age. I have been shining a light on her dark aspects that exist within me recently and noticing how I can activate her seductress powers to attract and enact my desires, sometimes consciously and often unconsciously. She often shows up as ‘my hungry vagina’, eager to devour. She is the sweet purring and soft scented perfume of my longing, she is the lubricated pinkness that conceals the dark calling of my womb and my insatiable appetite to be fucked. When my temptress is in the light, she is a gift to those around her, she is playful and exudes charm and sexual magnetism, when she lurks in the shadow of my unconscious, she can become a sexual predator, fuelled by a hunger that is felt but unseen.

Women throughout history have often been branded as ‘dangerous’, from ancient mythology to Freudian psychoanalysis, women have been characterised as harnessing the power to lure a man from his mission, to muddy his trajectory of personal integrity or trap him without his knowing. Although I am highly critical of the oppressive ways that society clandestinely controls or tempers this vibration in women (slut shaming, veiling women, sexual objectification) there is some truth to the dangerous allure of the temptress if she is shadowed. Male teachers and facilitators in the field of sexuality have sometimes been accused of using seductive powers of authority to manipulate participants for sexual exchange. As a facilitator of the sexual arts, I too have felt this capacity and I have tracked occasions when I have used my power of enchantment to fulfil my desires; like the temptress archetype they are more subtle, they are veiled.

In a workshop I held this year exploring the ultimate archetype of the temptress, the goddess Lilith, I held a confessional ritual where women stepped forward to acknowledge and own this energy within themselves and within the sisterhood. What emerged was the admission that most women felt they had the power to walk into a room and seduce any man they desired with their sexual allure. They actively engaged this energy to fill a longing for connection, intimacy, power or to somewhat satiate their arousal and desire.

One of the reasons the temptress energy in women is judged and feared is because her nature and biology is misunderstood. Women’s sexual energy is actively receptive; beckoning towards and within as opposed to penetrating out and this can seem deceptive. I envisage a woman’s sexual receptivity to be like the ocean, the hypnotic tides drawing an inexperienced swimmer into the depths, pulled by forceful undercurrents that are invisible. Some women feel dangerous to a man, and it might seem unexplainable but what they are sensing is the undercurrent of her sexual receptivity. A woman’s sexual receptivity is mirrored through the biology of her female form; her genitals are internal and her sexual responses and desires are therefore less visible as opposed to a male body where desire cannot be concealed through erection. A woman is able to therefore simmer with her desires relatively unnoticed, even to herself.

As men, women and everyone else, if we can be transparent around our desires and yearnings we import them into the light of awareness and are less likely to manipulate through them.

We are visible.

For women and female bodied people, our natural sexual energy is receptive and concealed so it requires us to be transparent with ourselves, internally mindful and highly tuned into our longings. We need to be aware of how we beckon our desires and satiate our hunger in ways that are nourishing for us and more conspicuous for others.

How to satiate a hungry vagina

Accept your yearnings and longings as part of the experience of being a woman. Allow this energy to be felt and loved. Channel the currents of yearning into a form that can be birthed or manifested such as a project or creative vision, use the momentum of this energy to create or activate something in your life.

Form a relationship with your contra-sexual self. Within us we hold both masculine and feminine aspects of ourselves, our inner marriage. Most of us often seek an external source of our inner duad; for example, a man to be penetrated by, or surrendered to. Notice when you are actively seeking to be fulfilled by another and spend time feeling this aspect of the masculine or feminine within you.

Own your desires, speak them and be dead honest, take time to tune into what you do seek. It is a powerful practice to be able to voice this to others. Be transparent, If you want something or someone speak it.

Dedicate time in your life for self-actualisation through pleasure practices. Learn to be your best lover, give yourself what you want, get to know your body and what arouses you, then give this to yourself. Don’t wait for anyone else.

Dedicated to the power of the temptress in all of us.

• I wish to acknowledge my use of gendered language and heteronormative points of view. My generalised use of the term woman can include male bodied and female bodied people, it is by no means exclusive to gender or sex.